Love Yourself

For many big girls, clarity and self love doesn't come until they understand the difference between sex and love. While it has never been a question of finding a man that wants to sleep with me, it is more of a question of them wanting to hold my hand in public afterwards. I confused men wanting to sleep with me for them wanting to be with me for far too long. I didn't understand the difference until I let a man love me. He showed me a world I hadn't seen before. He let the world know that I was his, I was more than a late night call, and that I was beautiful inside and out. Once you see that, you see the things in a different light. You get comfortable in your skin, familiar with turning down advances you're not actually interested in, or being okay with single life. Knowing my self-worth, I would rather be single than with someone who doesn't value my everything. My confidence was indeed tested, the negative remarks after I rejected someone, the lonely nights when I wanted to settle, or the slick talk of someone trying to fool me. With every challenge passed, I realized the strength in my conviction. I truly loved me first and now I know someone else can love me.
On my different social media pages, I get messages from women complimenting my confidence and love of self. They always seem to start the same though, "I wish I was as confident as you are". As flattering as that may sound, I always tell them the same thing, "you can be, it just takes time and patience". You have to face your inner demons before you can face the outside forces.

10 Rules I Live By:

1. I never let a man believe he is more than he is. No ego stroking, because all it does is perpetuate macho behavior and unattractive "confidence".
2. Do more than you show. Don't hide your life, but you don't need to boost everything to grab the glory or be in the spotlight
3. Give as much love as you receive. When you give to much of yourself up front, there is nothing to look forward to later. Your personality becomes dated and passe'.
4. Personal goals are personal for a reason. Everyone doesn't need to be in your business.
5. Love is a four letter word. Commitment is an action. Sex is a game. 
6. Don't ask more of others than you would ask of yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally. If you can't do it for yourself don't expect others to do it for you either.
7. Phone etiquette is the new society standard. Either learn it or leave.
8. If I cut you from my life or vice versa, don't expect me to come back and I wouldn't expect you to come back either.
9. Take me as I am, because that's how I take others. I don't judge you for your experiences, so don't judge me.
10. If I give you my body, treat it with passion. If I give you my heart, treat it with love. If I give you my soul, treat it with kindness.

Advice I give, but don't always follow

I am the last person to tell anyone how to live their life, but this is advice I constantly hear being thrown around and I know I am working hard to follow all of them.

1. Be You: if you're a big girl, stop trying to be a skinny mini. You are not that size and if you envy that size lose the weight and get there. Either be happy where you are or change yourself. Just keep in mind that it doesn't matter what you look like if you hate yourself. Your appearance won't make you happy.
2. Be Healthy: Most bodies will never be supermodel status, but it's not about that, it's about keeping your heart healthy and your body happy. If you eat junk your body will feel like trash. It is literally that simple. A balanced diet with body positive foods will naturally lose the fat. 
3. Be Happy: Take the time to enjoy the things that make you smile. From the small things to the big, appreciate what makes you smile and continue to allow them in your life. Take time for yourself, but don't forget to spread joy to others.
4. Be Righteous: I don't mean in the religious sense of the word, because I know people come from different backgrounds. I mean it in the true sense of the definition. Be a pillar of morality and more good will come to you. People will leave their demons at home when they approach you, because they respect your positive energy.
5. Be Humble: Take the success as well as you took the failures. It never comes overnight so when it does, be gracious to those that helped you and to those that admire what you do. People may not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.