Love Yourself

For many big girls, clarity and self love doesn't come until they understand the difference between sex and love. While it has never been a question of finding a man that wants to sleep with me, it is more of a question of them wanting to hold my hand in public afterwards. I confused men wanting to sleep with me for them wanting to be with me for far too long. I didn't understand the difference until I let a man love me. He showed me a world I hadn't seen before. He let the world know that I was his, I was more than a late night call, and that I was beautiful inside and out. Once you see that, you see the things in a different light. You get comfortable in your skin, familiar with turning down advances you're not actually interested in, or being okay with single life. Knowing my self-worth, I would rather be single than with someone who doesn't value my everything. My confidence was indeed tested, the negative remarks after I rejected someone, the lonely nights when I wanted to settle, or the slick talk of someone trying to fool me. With every challenge passed, I realized the strength in my conviction. I truly loved me first and now I know someone else can love me.
On my different social media pages, I get messages from women complimenting my confidence and love of self. They always seem to start the same though, "I wish I was as confident as you are". As flattering as that may sound, I always tell them the same thing, "you can be, it just takes time and patience". You have to face your inner demons before you can face the outside forces.

Tinder: Not Another Dating Site

So recently I had been hearing a lot of things about Tinder and I decided to check it out. I am already weary about online dating, but so many people are on it, they can't all be wrong. Can they? So I downloaded the app and logged in. Not too happy that it's connected to my facebook, even if it is easier to log in with that. I played the game and swiped left and swiped right, got a few matches and I was kind of surprised with the responses I got. I don't usually cater to the non-black variety, because it is so rare that I appeal to them. Don't get me wrong, I have dipped my toe in the proverbial melting pot that is the Los Angeles dating scene. I always find my way back to my black men.
So anyway, back to the app. I was getting a few matches and messaging back and forth with a couple people, made a date to meet up with an guy for coffee at my favorite Starbucks. I went into it all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and It was cool at first, then he was a total perv. He walked me to the car and attacked my face with his unkempt beard. It was scratchy and awkward so I pushed him off, but then he got all hands-y and grope-y which just made things uncomfortably awkward. Like can you back off and chill for a second. I just met you and we only went for coffee, calm down. That was a disaster, so I went home and deleted him and decided to give it another chance. Made a few more matches and had some good conversations. My next date from this site will be tonight and I have a third one planned for this weekend.
I think this app has the potential for producing some cute memories, some creepy interactions, and definitely funny stories. Many people are comparing it to Grindr but for straight people. I don't know if that's true, but I could totally see it heading that way where it is intended for dating, but turned into something for hook-ups.
I will certainly be back with more stories as I test the waters with this experience.